Monday, January 5, 2015

Feeling Discontented

You know, I know I frequently rail against the injustices we get by being treated like we're imagining things by all these doctors, but I legitimately feel like I'm losing it. I feel like the more I research, the more I find, the more testing I want, that not only will my doctors think I'm a hypochondriac, but that I'm turning into one. I just wish I could submit a vial of blood and have some convenient print out tell me for sure one way or another, exactly what all is and isn't wrong with me. All if this research and mad check*check*check omg CHECK on a check list. Research another disease/disorder and repeat. There's some that I have about half the symptoms, some where I have about 98% of the symptoms or even all. But I feel like, if I go to my doctors with a list of disorders and information, they'll think I've certifiably lost it. And who knows, at this point, maybe I have. Dealing with all of this is trying, at best.

I'm not even convinced I have ALL of them, I'd just like them to be ruled out (and of course anything else I possibly DO have, found). I'm just sick of being sick and everyone ignoring it because I've already got a million diagnoses. I just want to KNOW, definitively, what exactly is wrong with me. I know that's normal, but I seriously feel like dealing with all of this is driving me mad. I just want answers. I know I'll never be 100% healthy but at least maybe then I could treat more and figure out more causes to some of the symptoms of unknown origin. Yes, Vanderbilt is a step in the right direction but I don't believe it's enough.

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