It's Been A While

So I figured it'd been a minute, probably time to update. God's know enough has happened in the last 2 years. 

6 months after my last post, my husband walked out on us. Suffice it to say it had been going in that direction anyway but the events after that post were snowballing out of control and the avalanche that followed, I'm still picking up the pieces. He had issues that he needed to work through and he still does but he's working on them. I guess. I have the children 98% of the time based upon his actions but it is what it is. Our divorce should be final soon. 

I was denied disability and the appeals because I don't always know I've passed out and I don't always report them to my cardio (lesson learned) AND because I have a penchant for saying I'm ok at check ups instead of detailing everything that's plagued me between check ups. Again, lesson learned. I started volunteering with a non-profit and may be hired soon. Possibly. 

I've had more nasty episodes thanks to my handy dandy Neurocardiogenic Syncope. The most recent being a week (and a day) ago. My heart stopped (paused) again and I quit breathing. Two RNs happened to be there (I was getting food with the girls), one of which has POTS. The POTSy RN even began compressions before I came to. The first thing I can clearly remember was her asking me if I have POTS. I hit my head and had a very mild (but annoying) concussion. I'd had a dizzy spell/very brief blackout earlier like I'd had in the past that wound up with skinned knees, followed by some severe vertigo that I'd thought had passed. I'd become complacent with the NCS as it hasn't been too active lately. I suppose in a way it was luck or fate though, having those nurses there, having one of them be a POTSy. I'm not sure if I'd have gotten the same results had it not happened like that and had I not gone to the ER (twice, once for the syncope/asystole, once for the concussion since they never even checked the night before). But it did and has. Which leads me to the most recent. 

I'm getting a pacemaker next month. I'm not sure if I should say "finally" or not but it's been looming over the horizon since my first tilt test/visit back when I was like 22. I'm 28 now and in 1 month I'll be preparing for surgery. I'm not terrified. Yet. Or maybe that's the anxiety meds. Or maybe I'm kinda numb to it since it's been 18 years. Or maybe it just hasn't sunk in (my appointment was Friday, followup with my cardio after the spell last week, and that's when we scheduled it). Right now I'm in preparation/obsession/research mode. 28 with a pacemaker. Damn.