More Sleep Study and Insomniac Anxiety

I swear the universe doesn't want me to sleep. I couldn't sleep when I got home and I developed a migraine. Fun right? I still feel like crap. I actually feel like I'm circling the proverbial drain. Can't breathe, can't sleep, heart pounding, pain, just everything. I have a feeling my expectations for tomorrow are too high. I have SO much going on in my body but it feels like he's just focusing on NCS/IST I mean, surely a beta blocker isn't going to help everything. The shortness of breath is a real bother. I feel like SO much hasn't been addresses and one appointment isn't enough to get everything solved but I feel like utter CRAP. I WAS asleep but Callie decided to play with something at midnight and it woke me up somehow. I guess the scratching. Then the little brat hoped up on my lap and promptly went to sleep.

Yesterday was weird. No one really said anything about the heart rate dropping. The new tech (woman) kept saying it was normal to fluctuate in your sleep, true, but my fluctuations were 60-80. The 30s-40s were an ADDITIONAL fluctuation. I text mom about it and she called when she got off work and said she'd looked it up and it said 40 was normal sleeping heart rate for someone who is ATHLETIC. Which does not describe me, at all. I'm immensely irritated that every time I turn around, medical professionals are trying to act like stuff is normal. 1. No it's not, 2. even if it were normal, that normal usually pertains to healthy, active, athletic people. I am none of the above.

The rest of the sleep study was weird. I don't know how much I managed to nap. I had "dreams" where I wasn't sure I was awake, asleep, or half and half, but if you're half awake, doesn't that count as not dreaming since you have to be in REM to dream? It couldn't have been long though. It would take me several minutes to relax and 2 of the "dreams" I had, appeared as if I was just picturing stuff in my head, awake. Like close your eyes, think of something, and whatever you see, that's how my dream felt, so I wasn't sure if I was ACTUALLY asleep or just "trippin". But both of those "dreams" were about my cell phone, imagining text conversations so I THINK it was legitimate dreams. Though I've never dreamed where I was laying in the same position in my dream as in real life. It was disorienting. The second "nap" was after the guy left and the girl came in. She didn't put the pulseox on my finger and the LAST nap she didn't turn the light out. Oh well. I got fast food for breakfast and italian for lunch. The naps were disorienting and obviously my sleep issues don't like being timed. It wasn't "sleep 20 minutes", it was lay there and fall asleep plus dream all in 20 minutes". If it took 19 minutes to fall asleep, I'd get 1 minute of sleep, 15 minutes to fall asleep, 5 minutes to sleep. Can you imagine why it was so disorienting? I thought the male tech was joking when he said it was brutal. It was taxing. I haven't got off my couch except to potty twice since I've been home. Sure everyone is like "what's so difficult, you got to nap all day." Yea, not so much. I got to TRY to nap, but that was on top of a sucky nights sleep. Actually, to be accurate, they wanted to see if I could fall asleep (is it bad that I could with just 20 minutes, multiple times) and which sleep cycle I went to. If I remember 3 dreams, does that mean I went straight to REM?

And my naps last HOURS, not minutes. I can sleep hard for 4 hours and consider it a nap. 2 hours is a good nap too. An hour or less is a disappointment to me. 5 minutes damn near drove me batty. And to top it off, JSmiley isn't completely weaned yet (she's nursed twice since Sunday at 8 PM - it's Tuesday at 3:30 AM) so my breasts were hard and engorged. Talk about OW. I had forgotten how much engorgement hurts. Even hand expressing in the shower didn't help. Also, the use some kind of medical water soluble paste to apply the electrodes to you/your scalp. I have thick hair. He was generous with the paste. The electrodes were cemented to my head. OWWWWWW. The tech used a water bottle of lukewarm water and a wash cloth and one of those took 3-5 minutes of squirting, scrubbing and yanking. Did I mention I'm tender headed? Yea.

I NEVER want to do that again. Ever. I just want to hook a magic computer to my body and run a diagnostic program to find out EVERYTHING that is wrong with me and how to treat (if not cure) it. If only life were that simple. Maybe if I were an autobot. I had a similar idea when I was trying to conceive only it was an implanted button that was skin color and you'd push it and if you were pregnant it'd turn pink/blue depending on gender/sex (I'm putting both terms since there was recently a huge debate on which is the correct term to use - as usual) and would look like a pie graph if you were having multiples. All in one hpt and gender/sex reveal instead of waiting weeks, and it was good immediately upon conception, no waiting until a missed period or until the anatomy scan/birth. I know, I have an over active imagination. It was mostly wishful thinking just like the magic diagnostic computer. It sure would make my life a touch more simple. And I love things that make my life simple. Anyway, it's after 3:30 and my appointment is at 10:45 so I should try to get some sleep since I should get up at 9 (appointment isn't in my city) and I have to get Big Daddy up/motivated and sitter for the kids. Now if only I can keep Callie from waking me up AGAIN. Silly cat. She's lucky she's so cuddly.

Also, my follow up for the sleep study is September 5, tentatively. She said when they get the results/review/whatever they'll probably move it up. Ok, seriously, going to sleep, try to anyway.

MSLT

Someone remind me again why I wanted to do this?! Who would have thought a simple sleep study would be so much BOTHER! I want to go home. And it's only 9 AM. The tech said it'd be probably 4:30 before we're done. I'm so tired.

Got here at 9:15 and say outside with Big Daddy for a little bit then we both walked in. He left before I got wired up since he has to work today. Got hooked up and layed down, text Big Daddy and tried to go to sleep. I WAS able to but not very easy. Took a few minutes just to get comfortable. I also woke up a few times, at LEAST twice, possibly more. Woke up at 2 and could NOT go back to sleep. The tech came in to ask if it was a pretty typical night, what with being restless etc and I said yea, and then he told me he'd been watching my heart rate. I'd warned him that it probably WOULDN'T get high, but if it DID, it's normal for me. He thanked me for warming him just in case since if it HAD spiked he'd have come woke me up. But anyway, he said my heart rate fluctuated sporadically. I'm not sure why, he said MOST of the time it stayed between 60-80 which is normal when I'm sleeping but twice it dipped to 38 (!!!) and more than that down to the 40s. I don't know why. Neither did he but he said he would ask the doctor and I'll ask Dr. M tomorrow.

They provides breakfast (fast food) and then at 8 I tried to take the first 20 minute nap. I tossed and turned a but (despite being tired) and I MAY have dozed briefly. I'm so tired. I want to go home. I'm having SO much trouble falling asleep and this 20 minutes to fall asleep SUCKS. To add insult to.injury, my back has been aching all night and it's just getting progressively worse. And my chest started hurting last night and while laying it's pretty uncomfortable. Did I mention I want to go home yet?

Random Rambles

4 days until my appointment and 2 until my sleep study. The sleep study is going to irritate me. I have to stay there until 2-4 the next day (and then my appointment the day after). The regular sleep study was awkward enough. Strange place (it's a whole different hospital/sleep lab), away from my family, long time there, medical professionals, etc. And Big Daddy works the next day so he'll be next to no help (they say you can bring someone).

I went today to sign up for disability. It'll probably be a pain in the rear but I have my appointment (7th). I think my neurology appointment may be that day but I don't know. I need to call and find out and reschedule if it is. I need to call my primary doctor too, supposedly she's not there any more and if not, what I need to do. Ugh, so much to do. And I'm tired and sick. More later. Big Daddy might be taking me to the movies later if I feel ok.

Scheduling Rants

Now that my phone has more than 2% charge I can write. I'm going on 2 hours of sleep though so I will probably ramble. That typically happens when I'm sleep deprived. I'm so tired but sleep isn't happening. Actually, I was laying with JSmiley and a deactivated cell phone rang (neighbors phone died so she borrowed it and then got a new one). I have no clue how that happened but it was enough to jar me out of that place where you drift peacefully to dreamland. So I finished the last few chapters of HP7 and am now writing. Perhaps I'll try again afterwards.

Anyway. When last I wrote, I was still having trouble reaching my OB/GYN or getting a call back. I called Friday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Monday (answering service answered, at 5) and Tuesday. Sure it was semi out of their hands but the first Friday-Tuesday they didn't have the info so they couldn't call, didn't call me so they didn't even TRY. Called that final Tuesday and she had a list of approved birth control from my insurance. So that's done.

Then last night Big Daddy brings in the mail and there's a letter from my EP that said Dr. M had a change in schedule and *I* needed to call to reschedule my 8/1 appointment. Called this morning and the receptionist said "His next available appointment is August 30 at X:XX A/PM or August 31 at X:XX A/PM." Excuse me? Seriously? You send me a letter dated the 12th that doesn't get here until the 19th (different city, different state) instead of CALLING me, over something I have no control over and because you're a sub-specialist, you want me to wait a while MONTH because it conflicts with his schedule? How about not. I didn't SAY any of that since it would be rude but I definitely thought it. What actually happened was (M = Me, R = Receptionist)
M: "......................... I don't, I don't know............."
R: "You don't know... which one you want?"
M: "Yes, I've had this appointment since FEBRUARY and I can't wait another month to start meds, I can't...."
R: "Well that's all he has, he's not here today and on vacation next week and won't be in on the 1st and he's double booked."
M: "...................... I guess.... I don't..............."
R: "Would you like me to put in a note for the nurse to call you?"
M: "Yes, please."

Not 5 minutes later the nurse called.
She asked how I was doing and of course I was frustrated at the situation and it's a stranger (see, I can NOT talk to strangers in stressful situations) and I have only had 2 hours of sleep so I was practically in tears trying to explain why I couldn't forgo meds for a whole extra month. Sure I COULD but that's an extra month of not being active at ALL. There have been times over the past 6 months where I almost called and asked to be on meds before my appointment, unsupervised. Some days were THAT bad. I don't beg easy.

Anyway she cut me off and said they'd looked at the schedule and could put me down July 31 "That's a day sooner." A. No shit, really?! B. I was happy with MY allotted appointment. *I* didn't want it to change. C. It isn't MY fault the doctor needs several days off in addition to his 1+ week vacation. If I could change it, I'd be ok sticking with my original day/time. I'd even be ok with an extra week/10 days or so (I wouldn't be too thrilled the higher the number got especially though I'd try to manage). But a whole month? 10 days makes me cringe but is more understandable.

But seriously? So no one on other days (that he's there) will be affected, they'll get their normally scheduled appointments that they've been waiting 1, 3, 6, 12 months for, whichever, but because the doctor has had some things come up, *I* have to suffer until he has an "opening". I don't know WHY he needs a few days off plus a vacation, and I hope it's nothing bad but seriously. None of that is my fault. All in all the nurse made me feel like a brat. I didn't ASK for an earlier appointment. Not ONCE have I asked to be seen sooner. I've patiently waited my turn unless something else was offered (other doctors/tests with cancellations) unless I missed it (and then I still waited patiently) or it was inconvenient in which case I passed and it was undoubtedly offered to the next name on their list which I did not ask to be put on. :/

Ugh I need sleep. I don't even know if I had more to write. I suppose if I did I'll remember it later.

Exhaustion

My phone only has 16% left and my charger is out of reach so I don't know if I'll be able to finish this right away. Big Daddy is where my charger is and JSmiley is on me (and Callie O.o ).

The past week has been EXHAUSTING especially considering I didn't do much of anything (at least to healthy standards). That's part of the reason for my blog silence. Last Monday Big D had to go clean the baseball field and get it ready with his team and the senior league for all stars since district was held here. We were there 5 or 6 hours and the most I did was carry JSmiley in my wrap. Tuesday we went out there for what was supposed to be the first of 2 to 3 games. Got Big D, gas and to the field (without my kids) and it started pouring. Wednesday was canceled outright before I left the house. Thursday I had to go pick up Big D at his friends and on our way to get his uniform, they called to cancel. Got gas, took him to drop off movie rentals and then back to his friends. Friday we got gas and to the field at 5. They didn't start playing until 8 and had to quit for half an hour due to lightning. I helped in concessions (with 2 other women, my friends) and helped carry some crates of drinks (hr got past 180 on that). Got home close to midnight. Saturday they were scheduled but it was one thing after another. One field was too damaged due to rain and no drainage system. The back up field, the press box got hit by lightning and most of the power was out (including lights) and the power company said it'd be a bit since it's not residential. So no game and we went to Kim's to eat and hang out. Got home at 1 and the most strenuous that day was driving to and from. Sunday was the last game but it was between 2 senior league games so I was there 7 hours. Again the most stressful was carrying JSmiley in the wrap. That was a BAD day. I got dizzy frequently but I had the van so Big Daddy couldn't come help me and I wasn't about to risk driving dizzy so I say for quite a bit. I spent 99% of yesterday laying in bed in the A/C. I definitely over did it this last week so THIS week and next I'm relaxing as much as possible!! Because the week after that is my MSLT and my EP appointment. Regular baseball is over but Fall Ball starts in August or so. But I'll be on meds then.

In other news, my OB/GYN's office STILL has not called me back and frankly, I am getting pretty ticked off. I called Friday, Monday, Tuesday AND Wednesday. Called today/yesterday (it's 3 AM) too but got the answering service. What the hell? Why does the universe not want me on birth control? This is the second time this year I've had trouble getting it. Grrr. Ok, 5% left, more later.

6th Wedding Anniversary

Baby you don't know, what you do to me. Between me and you, I feel a chemistry. I won't let no one come and take your place. Cause the love you give can't be replaced. See no one else love me like you do. That's why I don't mind to spend my life with you. Wanna please you, in anyway I can. I wanna share my world. Don't you understand?

Your love is a one in a million it goes on and on and on. You give me a really good feelin all day long.

Turn me inside out, make my heart speak. Need no one else, you are all I need. Personality, in everything you do. Makes me love everything bout you. Your smile, your style, so fly, I can't deny. I got a crush on you and that's true indeed. And I'm digging you, you're making me believe.

Aaliyah - One In AMillion

Happy 6th Wedding Anniversary Big Daddy! <3

Insurance Troubles

I'm so ticked today it isn't even funny. Surely part of today was a mistake. (Well yesterday, it's 1:30 AM.)

So I called up my OB/GYN since I need to get some birth control so I don't accidentally wind up pregnant on these meds I'll be starting in August. I wanted to have them in case JSmiley weaned early (cry) or for when I get my monthly. Which ever. I need a combination pill instead of the mini pill since this is my last month nursing and there isn't really a worry in diminished supply after I wean. Anyway, called them up, told the receptionist what I wanted and which pharmacy to send it to. She put a note in to my doctors nurse and in less than an hour Vicky called to tell me it'd been sent.

2 hours later I call the pharmacy to see if it was there/ready. When I tried to get on birth control in January or so Vicky sent it to the wrong pharmacy so I spent 3 days trying to figure out why she said it was ready and waiting but the pharmacy said they didn't have anything then when we figured it out, I went to that pharmacy and mine had called them and had the record sent to them and Big Daddy wasn't happy going back and forth empty handed. In the end, my old insurance wouldn't pay for the mini pill so I paid out of pocket which is fine. It was something like $25 so no big deal by itself and I quit after one month for other reasons.

But anyway, the woman who answered said it was ready but didn't say what it was or anything just "We have one." Got to the pharmacy and gave them my new card (insurance changed 7/1/12) and waited. The woman came back and said "Unfortunately, both the name brand and generic need prior authorization before they'll fill it." She also asked if I new what prior authorization is, which I do, but I was never told I'd need prior authorization for anything. I've never needed it before with my old insurance, and I've had the birth control I'm trying to get. Come again? I need prior authorization for birth control? SERIOUSLY??!!??!! Surely not. So I called my doctors office and told them. The receptionist said she'd tell Vicky/put in a note/message for her and have her call and see if there was a mistake. So even they were a little confused as to why plain birth control pills needed prior authorization. Unfortunately that was roughly 3:30 PM yesterday and no call back so I have to call on Monday. And it wasn't that the pharmacy was closed. My doctors closes at 7, it's been 8 when I got a call back before. The pharmacy closed at 9. So I'm a little mad about that.

But I was looking online at what is supposed to be the rules and things for prescriptions. They have a .pdf on what requires prior authorization in 2012 and the birth control I requested isn't on it. Nor is it on the list of limited drugs they'll cover (as in they'll only cover x amount). But viagra is. And viagra isn't on the prior authorization list. It covers 4 per month viagra. If I SERIOUSLY need prior authorization for birth control yet anyone can get 4 viagra per month with no issue, I am going to FLIP!!!

So I am going to call my OB back on Monday, maybe the pharmacy, AND my insurance. I'll be starting 3 meds in August at least. If I have to jump through these hoops all the freaking time I am not going to be happy. At all. Some prior authorizations you have to renew MONTHLY. As if I wasn't exhausted enough. Now I have to worry about whether my insurance will cover stuff I need or if I have to remember to get pre approval or whatever monthly/yearly/etc.

Why did they have to get rid of my old insurance? It was soooooooooooooooooo much easier. :/

Slow Phone

I've been trying to publish a short (more pictures than words) post on the 4th/Independence Day but it's lagging (probably due to the few pics/slow cell phone reception combo I have going on). It will probably post eventually but it's now the 5th (12:09) so it's late. (Even though my blog says I'm in a different time zone than I really am.) So in the mean time... Happy Independence Day America!

Sleep Deprived Insomniac

Sick of not sleeping right or not being able to sleep at all. I've been trying to sleep since 10:45 PM. It's 3:22 AM. I'm dog tired too. My eyes are only half open typing this but I just can't.

I woke up tired yesterday (after 8 hours of sleep) but didn't get to take a nap due to two things I had to do. By 8 PM I was spacing at Mom's (one of the things was a baseball meeting). Came home, are tacos, watched an hour of Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince (while eating) then decided I needed sleep. That was almost 5 hours ago. Wtf man.

Luckily it's the 4th of July so Big Daddy doesn't have work and I can hopefully nap today. At least for a bit, Big D has practice tonight (which again, wtf man?!) and we usually drive half an hour (in massive traffic) to see fireworks. Sounds exhausting. But it's for the family. It's not like I'm driving it.

Anyway. I just wanted to complain about my jacked up sleep habits for a bit. That they still don't know what's up. I hope the one on the 29th shows something. SOMETHING is wrong. Maybe my melatonin levels are off or something. Something is causing it. And I can't take melatonin without getting bradycardia or close so wtf. I just want to sleep like a normal person! I swear if this test doesn't show something or if my neurologist doesn't DO something other than suggest melatonin I'm going to snap. Or cry. Possibly both. Probably both, actually.

Ugh. I get mad when I'm sleep deprived, can you tell?

Bad Weekend

Bad health day. I noticed part of it yesterday, that my heart rate was easily spiked much more than normal. Usually normal activity, when I feel well is low 100's. Remember the below 100's is when I'm in/on the bed or sitting/laying on the couch. I thought I should clarify since I feel goofy saying "I have IST" and such then following up with "My resting heart rate is 86." Remember that is laying flat on my back in bed (or on my side). Sitting on my bed (eating, writing, reading, etc) it's 96, I get up, walk, etc and it goes over 100 but as long as I feel well and don't over exert myself, I'm typically ok. Yesterday with activity it was in the 140's (walked up my steps once to the bathroom, there is only 1, it's upstairs, and that was at 1:45 PM so the power was still on). Then today at Mom's, I went inside Mom's (she was outside with us) to let SDiva potty and grab JSmiley's seat and our stuff. Let SDiva out the door in the living room so I didn't have to help her avoid my Mom's pit bull "pup" Athena who is hyper as crap. Athena isn't even 1 (she was born mid-August) and it takes effort to hold her and when she stands she can put her paws on my chest (I'm 5ft7in). If I didn't let her out I'd have had to carry the seat, beach bag (with all my/our stuff) and keep Athena off SDiva, so I just let her out the door. Athena is kept in the kitchen with a door keeping her out of the loving room (when my kids are there because she's bigger than them). Anyway, Mom's house is single level (remember I keep saying I need a single level) and all I did was walk inside, get our stuff, walk back outside and my heart rate was 153. Came home and walked upstairs to wake up Big Daddy (he stayed here last night, the power came back on when they said, between 12 - 1, he went to bed after it came back on so he wasn't suffering in the heat) and my heart rate was in the 180's. Came back down and sat in the A/C (I'm actually cold now) and it was back to 105.

I also felt dizzy and kept thinking I'd pass out today (haven't yet though) or this week. This heat isn't good for me at all obviously. I'm laying on my couch with the air on full, cold and trying to relax and my hr is back to normal but I have a headache. BP appears normal now but I didn't take it when my hr was high so idk. No clue about sugar or anything or if I'm still as dizzy as I was.

I definitely feel foggy though. Could be from lack of sleep though. Fell asleep between 4 and 4:15 AM and got woke up at 9:45 AM. I feel awful. Big Daddy took the girls to the store to get a few groceries, well go later for more but I didn't feel well enough to go.

Heat Wave

Long and physically draining day. There's been a heatwave here lately and today (technically yesterday, it's 1:19 AM) the power went out. It's probably still out. Not city wide, just at the apartments I live at. The day before it was out at my moms but only for 2 hours. A transformer blew at 3 PM, at 10:30 PM when I left for Mom's finally, it still wasn't on.

There was more damage than just one transformer. There was at least 2 playing tag, if not more. The power came back on at least twice (for less than a minute, the longest was LITERALLY long enough for me to turn my TV on with the remote and push the + volume button a few times).  They'd work on one transformer and the power would flicker then another would blow then back to the other one. They did that for hours. Most of the time the power stayed off but I heard them blow at LEAST 9 times.

I text my mom off and on all day and finally at 10 she said to just come over. She said she thought it'd be on since half her city was without power the day before and it only took 2 hours. So here we are.

It usually only takes an hour to fix a blown transformer (and that's including time for the guys/crew to be dispatched and arrive). Finally we heard that they had to put up a whole new pole, run lines etc and that it'd be at least 3-4 more hours (putting the estimated time no earlier than 12 - 1 AM) and "It could be morning or tomorrow afternoon." Did I mention it was 103° F and no relief to be found?

In other news, Big Daddy decided that once a week, we're going on a date. Even if it's cheap because of bills. 1 day, every week, just us two. And for the past 3 weeks we have. It's a step. At least he's trying to spend time with me now. It's a step (and I'll probably jinx myself by openly praising him on my blog, I better not have a bad day because I said something nice!)

Anyway, it's almost 2 AM. Time to try to sleep. Oh and I got the packet for my MSLT, it's at the end of this month.