Tuesday, July 31, 2012

More Sleep Study and Insomniac Anxiety

I swear the universe doesn't want me to sleep. I couldn't sleep when I got home and I developed a migraine. Fun right? I still feel like crap. I actually feel like I'm circling the proverbial drain. Can't breathe, can't sleep, heart pounding, pain, just everything. I have a feeling my expectations for tomorrow are too high. I have SO much going on in my body but it feels like he's just focusing on NCS/IST I mean, surely a beta blocker isn't going to help everything. The shortness of breath is a real bother. I feel like SO much hasn't been addresses and one appointment isn't enough to get everything solved but I feel like utter CRAP. I WAS asleep but Callie decided to play with something at midnight and it woke me up somehow. I guess the scratching. Then the little brat hoped up on my lap and promptly went to sleep.

Yesterday was weird. No one really said anything about the heart rate dropping. The new tech (woman) kept saying it was normal to fluctuate in your sleep, true, but my fluctuations were 60-80. The 30s-40s were an ADDITIONAL fluctuation. I text mom about it and she called when she got off work and said she'd looked it up and it said 40 was normal sleeping heart rate for someone who is ATHLETIC. Which does not describe me, at all. I'm immensely irritated that every time I turn around, medical professionals are trying to act like stuff is normal. 1. No it's not, 2. even if it were normal, that normal usually pertains to healthy, active, athletic people. I am none of the above.

The rest of the sleep study was weird. I don't know how much I managed to nap. I had "dreams" where I wasn't sure I was awake, asleep, or half and half, but if you're half awake, doesn't that count as not dreaming since you have to be in REM to dream? It couldn't have been long though. It would take me several minutes to relax and 2 of the "dreams" I had, appeared as if I was just picturing stuff in my head, awake. Like close your eyes, think of something, and whatever you see, that's how my dream felt, so I wasn't sure if I was ACTUALLY asleep or just "trippin". But both of those "dreams" were about my cell phone, imagining text conversations so I THINK it was legitimate dreams. Though I've never dreamed where I was laying in the same position in my dream as in real life. It was disorienting. The second "nap" was after the guy left and the girl came in. She didn't put the pulseox on my finger and the LAST nap she didn't turn the light out. Oh well. I got fast food for breakfast and italian for lunch. The naps were disorienting and obviously my sleep issues don't like being timed. It wasn't "sleep 20 minutes", it was lay there and fall asleep plus dream all in 20 minutes". If it took 19 minutes to fall asleep, I'd get 1 minute of sleep, 15 minutes to fall asleep, 5 minutes to sleep. Can you imagine why it was so disorienting? I thought the male tech was joking when he said it was brutal. It was taxing. I haven't got off my couch except to potty twice since I've been home. Sure everyone is like "what's so difficult, you got to nap all day." Yea, not so much. I got to TRY to nap, but that was on top of a sucky nights sleep. Actually, to be accurate, they wanted to see if I could fall asleep (is it bad that I could with just 20 minutes, multiple times) and which sleep cycle I went to. If I remember 3 dreams, does that mean I went straight to REM?

And my naps last HOURS, not minutes. I can sleep hard for 4 hours and consider it a nap. 2 hours is a good nap too. An hour or less is a disappointment to me. 5 minutes damn near drove me batty. And to top it off, JSmiley isn't completely weaned yet (she's nursed twice since Sunday at 8 PM - it's Tuesday at 3:30 AM) so my breasts were hard and engorged. Talk about OW. I had forgotten how much engorgement hurts. Even hand expressing in the shower didn't help. Also, the use some kind of medical water soluble paste to apply the electrodes to you/your scalp. I have thick hair. He was generous with the paste. The electrodes were cemented to my head. OWWWWWW. The tech used a water bottle of lukewarm water and a wash cloth and one of those took 3-5 minutes of squirting, scrubbing and yanking. Did I mention I'm tender headed? Yea.

I NEVER want to do that again. Ever. I just want to hook a magic computer to my body and run a diagnostic program to find out EVERYTHING that is wrong with me and how to treat (if not cure) it. If only life were that simple. Maybe if I were an autobot. I had a similar idea when I was trying to conceive only it was an implanted button that was skin color and you'd push it and if you were pregnant it'd turn pink/blue depending on gender/sex (I'm putting both terms since there was recently a huge debate on which is the correct term to use - as usual) and would look like a pie graph if you were having multiples. All in one hpt and gender/sex reveal instead of waiting weeks, and it was good immediately upon conception, no waiting until a missed period or until the anatomy scan/birth. I know, I have an over active imagination. It was mostly wishful thinking just like the magic diagnostic computer. It sure would make my life a touch more simple. And I love things that make my life simple. Anyway, it's after 3:30 and my appointment is at 10:45 so I should try to get some sleep since I should get up at 9 (appointment isn't in my city) and I have to get Big Daddy up/motivated and sitter for the kids. Now if only I can keep Callie from waking me up AGAIN. Silly cat. She's lucky she's so cuddly.

Also, my follow up for the sleep study is September 5, tentatively. She said when they get the results/review/whatever they'll probably move it up. Ok, seriously, going to sleep, try to anyway.

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