Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Long de-stress ramble (part 2)

Please see part 1 before reading this one!

Just as I suspected, too long for just one post so it got broken into 2. I ramble a lot. It doesn't help that I currently have insomnia because that last sleep study threw me off again. Anyway, continuing where we left off...

So I don't have "proof". Some of it stems from frustration on how I've previously been treated making me wary (reading all this, knowing it's only PART of it, do you honestly blame me?!), some stems from not wanting to be labeled (boy that one sure comes back and bites you) or not wanting to be on pills of any kind (guess that one is out since I'll be at least starting a beta blocker plus maybe 1 other and birth control - I can avoid pregnancy, I haven't been on birth control except 2 months since August 2009, and we tried for Jocelyn, it's mainly to regulate my screwy body, oh yea there are two more maybes, PCOS is a "maybe" and pre-second pregnancy, endometriosis was another "maybe", never tested for endometriosis, got pregnant, PCOS, I had a transvaginal ultrasound while on birth control one of those two months and the technician reported that my "ovaries appear polycystic" but no formal diagnosis) in August. Another is that I don't want to be on a million different drugs. That's 3 (well 4, one of the meds I'm supposed to take 2x a day, he said really 4x but that's hard to remember), hypothetically lets add 1 for anxiety, 1 for depression, 1 for insomnia, 1 for GERD, maybe something for pain, something for migraines. That's 10 right there. Hypothetically of course, that probably wouldn't happen. Speaking of suffering. If this daily/nightly GERD/reflux doesn't go away and take the pain with it, I'm going to go insane. I guess it's time to get all my ducks in a row and quit suffering quietly. At least all my symptoms (well most) I've gone to see someone for at least once, whether I was actually diagnosed. I can be like look, check this hospital/office during x time and you'll see I went for it, it just wasn't diagnosed. It's not like I'm sitting here like "What can I put on my list of problems to get help/attention". Nope, you can name any of my symptoms and I can tell you either the year, my age or what I was doing when I first noticed/remembered it. That's the good thing about me. I am very smart. I remember quite a bit. Here lately brain fog has been ramping up but that's why I've taken to writing everything down. Even if I can't remember exact dates, I can go back and look. This thing is so massive, whoops.

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